Quotes
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Please pay attention very carefully, because this is the truest thing a stranger will ever say to you:
In the face of such hopelessness as our eventual, unavoidable death, there is little sense in at least TRYING to accomplish all your wildest dreams in life. -- Keven Smith (silent Bob)
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Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security, will not have, nor do they deserve, either one -- Benjamin Franklin
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I got a coffee mug from Cray Research when they moved out. Now I can drink my coffee while doing 63 other, un-related tasks.
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One Bike to rule them all, One Bike to find them
One Bike to bring them all and in the mountains bind them
In the land of Moab
where the Shadows lie.
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A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Project Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland.
They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed.
The car careered out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside.
The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes.
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What were they to do?
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"I know", said the Project Manager, "Let's have a meeting, build a Vision by consensus, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, then we can be on our way."
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"No, no", said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before.
I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
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Well,' said the Software Developer,
'Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.'
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People trying to understand God's will are like dogs trying to understand mathematics.
No matter how hard you try you'll never get it right.
How would it be if we just talked about bikes instead? -- Anonymous bicycle forum post
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Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right?
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Raise your IQ, eat gifted children
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When speaking of children, GIFTED is a good thing, and you would think special, but SPECIAL is not so good, is it? (think short-bus)
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If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.
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The way you tell the good socialists from the bad ones is that the good ones ride bikes. -- M.J. Smith
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It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident.
No, wait. That would be good because if
anyone needed it, the blood would be right there.
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Why must you be such an angry young man, your future looks quite bright to me.
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Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher.
That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
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It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
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Procrastinate NOW!! There is no time to wait!!
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First Law of Bicycling:
No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
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You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
--J.D. Salinger
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I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system. - Jack Handy
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Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about
letting just any ol' person vote.
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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.
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I believe you should live each day as if it is your last,
which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on,
who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
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As you make your way through this hectic world of ours,
set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year,
you'll have a couple of days saved up.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build better and bigger idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. - Rick Cook
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My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn eternally-- but I didn't want to upset him. --Age 10
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggy' till you can find a rock.
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Osborn's Law of the Sciences:
Variables won't; constants aren't.
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Pohl's law of imperfection:
Nothing is so good, that someone, somewhere, will not hate it.
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Ron's the kind of guy that gets up at 6 in the morning, no matter what time it is.
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Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
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All I ask is for a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
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Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
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Freedom, oh freedom; that's just some people talking.
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Frisbeetarionism:
The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. - Jack Handy
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Ginsberg's theorum:
1. You can't win.
2. You can't break even.
3. You can't even quit the game.
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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
--Mark Twain
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Yield to temptation-- it may not pass your way again.
--Lazarus Long
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Is it ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
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You just wish sometimes that the [Catholic] Church protected children as much as it protects fetuses.-- Lesbian comedian Kate Clinton writing in The Progressive, July issue.
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Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles; for they shall be known as Wheels.
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I really hate this damned machine,
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want;
Only what I tell it.
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Slick's Third law of the Universe: There are two types of dirt--
the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects,
and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.
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If you put garbage into a computer, nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.
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Worst vegetable of the year: the brussels sprout.
This is also the worst vegetable of next year.
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
--Woody Allen
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It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
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Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow, I'll probably still be a dog. There's so little hope for advancement.
--Snoopy
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Seminars: from 'semi' and 'arse', hence, any half-assed discussion.
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The trouble with doing anything right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. So, all the other bears beat Fuzzy Wuzzy repeatedly, screaming 'You're a bald freak of nature, you hairless aberration!'
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The bicycle has done more for the emancipation of women than anything else in the world - Susan B. Anthony
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I'd rather be rich than stupid - Jack Handy
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To me, boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit eachother - Jack Handy
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If you are against abortion, don't have one.
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Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. - Jack Handy
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I think they should continue the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling. -Jack Handy
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Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet. - Jack Handy
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Madness takes its toll, have exact change please
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Living in the gap between past and future - Kate Bush
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Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail. - Jack Handy
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If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting! - Jack Handy
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Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment. - Jim Horning
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History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. - Abba Eban
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You can't hold a man down without staying down with him. - Booker T. Washington
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If I don't see you no more in this world, see ya in the next one and don't be late. Don't be late! - Jimi Hendrix
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Don't mess with the volcano my man,
'cause I will go Pompeii on your ass - Mr. Furious - The Mystery Men
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The difference between me and you is I make this look good. J - Men In Black
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Lt. Dan Taylor: Have you found Jesus yet Gump?
Forrest: I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him sir.
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Jimmy Dugan: It's supposed to be hard!
If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The HARD, is what makes it GREAT! - A League Of Their Own
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Everyday I beat my own previous record for
number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
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If your not living on the edge,
your taking up to much space.
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense; reason; and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. - Galileo Galilei
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You know you are getting old when laughing makes you cough, and crying makes you happy!
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The fact of the matter is that at the end of the day there is
nothing, like, value-added about using cliches 24/7 --
with all due respect it's not awesome, it's annoying.
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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered;
an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered. - Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936)
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. - Paul Erdos
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The right to swing my fist ends where the other mans nose begins.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)
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Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off NOW!
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What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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The things that come to those that wait are the things left by those who got in first.
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Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
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Only a Motorcyclist knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car
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There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
the less i seek my source for some definitive
the closer I am to fine -- Indigo Girls
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire,
what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? -- George Carlin
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It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong. -Voltaire [François Marie Arouet] (1694-1778)
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Had God not driven Man from the Garden of Eden, the Sierra Club would have.
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Darwin: The gene pool's lifeguard.
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Insanitary: insane about cleanliness
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Obi-Wan to Luke Skywalker:
'The Force can have a strong influence on a weak mind'
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Bobby, if you weren't my son, I'd hug you -- Hank Hill
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Fear leads to Anger. Anger leads to Hate. Hate leads to Suffering. - Master Yoda
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Nature and Nature's laws lay hid in night: God said, Let Newton be! and all was light.
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'The quality of the kite matters little, sucess depends upon the man sitting in it' Manfred Von Richthofen
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I used to think the brain was the most fascinating organ in the body. Then I thought, 'well sure, look who's telling me that.'
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If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
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platform statement:
I have a Zero Tolerance Policy on Zero Tolerance Policies, I promise to get tough on slogans and the causes of slogans.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the word. Those who understand binary and those who don't.
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There are 2 kinds of people in the word. Those who will do what it takes to get the job done and those who will let them.
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Well, what on God's green Earth did you expect?? -- Borba Ron Kenobi
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You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day, unless you're too busy; then you should site for an hour - Old Zen saying
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The most important decision you make is to be in a good mood. -Voltaire
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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. -e.e. cummings
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We all have two lives. The second one starts when we realize that we only have one. - Tom Hiddleston
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It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under - The Message - Grandmaster Flash
GDOAT
Cross Country Drive, 1996
Gone, but not forgotten
On a walk
